Striking fear in the hearts of many

CHICAGO CUBS @ CHICAGO WHITE SOX, 4.05pm ET
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CHICAGO CUBS [17-23, Road 7-13]
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Traded Three Decent Pitchers For Him, CF [.229]
Follicles of Legend, RF [.266]
Stubble = base hits?, 1B [.294]
Lazy Bastard Not Behind The Plate, DH [.299]
Fat Head, 3B [.218]
The Human Torch, LF [.278]
Pride of Venezuela, SS [.282]
The return of Paul Bako?, C [.062]
He Who Cannot Bunt, 2B [.197]
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CHICAGO WHITE SOX [26-14, Home 14-5]
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Fast Asshole, LF [.295]
Japanese Asshole, 2B [.295]
Lazy Asshole, DH [.292]
Goateed Asshole, 1B [.315]
World Series MVP Asshole, RF [.317]
Fat Cheating Asshole, C [.339]
Nondescript Asshole, 3B [.307]
Utility Asshole, CF [.243]
Platooning Asshole, SS [.267]
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CHC - RHP Greg Maddux, P [5-2, 3.10 ERA]
CHW - LHP Mark Buehrle, P [4-2, 3.42 ERA]

Can anyone spot any differences between these two teams? Win-Loss records aside, the White Sox have 4 everyday players hitting over .300, and several more just short of that mark in the .290s. On the other hand, our club has quite a few "key" players batting close to the Mendoza Line. Add to that the chameleon-like figure of Maddux on the mound [which Greg will we get? The GM who started 5-0, or the GM who got shellacked by the Giants?] going against that burly Buehrle character, and we could well be in for another long afternoon.

What further irks me is Selig's regional "rivalry" organization for interleague play, whereby we get 6 games against baseball's champions while the Cardinals can sleepwalk through a sextet with the AA-Kansas City Royals.

One thing that does make me marginally happy is the common sense with which today's lineup was constructed. I won't get to say that very often, but today it's true, as Jock rides the pine thanks to his 1-for-27 career numbers against Mark Buehrle. Crazy as it sounds, but it really wouldn't have surprised me if his grinning, basepads-inept face greeted me in right field today, but I'll thank G-d for small blessings.

Let's go Cubbies, although if us winning 3 or more games this season against the White Sox ends up being a defining factor in Dusty Baker getting a contract extension, my enthusiasm will dampen, and the creation of my time machine will commence. In the meantime, grab a beer and let's watch a weekend series at the Cell.